To be Free in Christ

What does it mean to be free in Christ? Well up until a year and a half ago I could only talk about it in relative terms. To be free in Christ was to no longer be a slave to sin, you are no longer held in bondage by sin. I understood this, but was struggling to grasp this in a couple area's of my life.

A year and a half ago God opened my eyes to sin in my life. I can stand here today and say with all confidence that I know what it is to be free from sin in Christ. I understand giving sin over to Christ and pleading for help. I understand the joy found in hearing your savior I will never leave you nor forsake you.

Over the past year and a half God has freed me from two specific sins that I can think of. One started when I was twelve. Our house (garage really) was broke into. The garage was closest to my bedroom and I am convinced I was awake when it happened. That night changed my life. For the next year I would spend at least four nights a week sleeping on my parents floor because I was certain that I heard something. After about a year I was more capable of sleeping in my room but I would spend many sleepless nights freaked out, wide awake.

Sleeping over at other peoples homes was great, there was this odd safety found in being somewhere other than home.

Some how after graduating high school I managed to live on my own for 6 months, with little to no issues. The some how is obviously God's hand in my life.

When I went to college at BBC in PA I never had issues, I felt save. I was on a college campus, with security. I had a roommate. And for most of the two years I slept on the top bunk.

In May 2011 I moved home... There was peace and safety found in the nights that someone chose to sleep on the couch. Some how knowing that someone was right below me sleeping made me feel safe. However I still didn't handle being home alone at night well. And going to sleep after everyone else, or before anyone was home was extremely difficult if not impossible. I was not usually an anxious person but come night, I was an anxious mess.

Things only continued to get worse. My brother went off to college which often meant no one was sleeping on the couch. My parents would take the occasional weekend trip, which meant I couldn't sleep.

Last fall my anxiety become sin. I began to allow this anxiety of someone breaking into our house and killing me to take over my life. The instant I would crawl into bed I heard things, a car pulling into the driveway, someone walking around downstairs. My anxiety got so bad that my heart would race, I thought it would beat out of my chest. Nothing I tried would clam my body. Sometimes I would almost shake from the anxiety building up within me. Sometimes all I could think about were the creepy CSI like shows I had watched and what was surely to happen to me within seconds. Some nights I would think on, at least if it happens I can share the gospel with them....

Finally while talking to my parents about this growing issue my dad said I allowed this to become a sin in my life and I needed to deal with it. In an instant I felt shell shocked, surely he did not just say that.... Praise God he did. I had allowed anxiety to control me. I had allowed it so much control in my life it had become a sin. I can't name the date but I know sometime late last fall I prayed that God would take the burden of this sin. I prayed that I would give this anxiety over to God. I knew that I could not fight sin on my own, that in everything I do I need Christ. I finally realized that I was trying to fight this loosing battle alone. Once I allowed Christ to help me, I was free. I had always known that in Christ I was free from sin, in fact by God's grace He was firmly planted beside me fighting other battles in my life. However, in this instance I was allowing myself to stay in the bondage of fear.

I am so thankful for a great high priest who has passed through the heaven, who can sympathize with our weakness, yet without sin. I am thankful that I can go confidently to the throne of grace. I am thankful that He powerfully works His energy within me.

Give your sin to Christ, stop trying to do it alone. You will only fail. Only He can free you from the bondage it holds on you.

Nothing like being kicked while you're down....

This week was one of the most challenging weeks of my life. Seriously. I wouldn't have told you that I stressed. I don't even think I understand stress. But all indications tell me I was stressed and exhausted. Towards the end of this week I literally thought I was going to stop functioning, that I couldn't keep going.  


It was during these two days that I was the most challenged by temptation I have ever been, and yet turned to God more than I ever have. There is nothing in the World like being kicked when you are down. It is no surprise that Satan will jump every chance he gets to sneak in and attack. My defenses were low, I was physically and mentally exhausted. Seriously I still can't figure out why I was so stressed and exhausted. But non the less Satan saw his opportunity and attacked like I have never been attacked before. There are no words to describe the feeling of helplessness to sin yet total and utter dependence on God. 


I have never before felt that way, yet I would go there gain in a heart beat to feel the faith and reliance on God that I had in those so short, yet so long days this week.  

Later in the week I was talking with a friend who read me Colossians 1:29 "For this I toil, struggling with all his energy that he powerfully works within me." It is God's energy, it is God's power. It is truly a humbling experience to come before God with nothing left and ask for help. There was nothing left for me to give and in His grace He was merciful to me. He gave me the energy and power to fight temptation, to flee from sin.  

The blessings have truly continued to flow. I am astounded at how He chooses to bless me. I don't deserve any of it, but I am so grateful for it.  

I stand amazed. 

My Battle with Singleness

So this is always the hot button topic for every single Christian person over the age of 18. What do I do with my life now since I'm not married? haha ok I am being a little dramatic but seriously in our Christian culture today singleness can be looked down upon.

Well let me tell you. First I truly have a desire to serve the Lord through a marriage and as a mother. That is a sincere desire of my heart. But right now I am single. I love it. I have so much free time to do whatever I want, and sometimes things I don't want. The point is I have SO MUCH TIME. I love that I can somewhat drop my life and help someone out, or that my Friday mornings before work can be used to watch little ones, or that my Saturday nights during the holiday's can be used to watch more little ones, or I can meet my bestie whenever for coffee, or that my work schedule is not greatly impacting anyone's life but mine. I love singleness.

God has grown me so much over the past few years I am so thank for that. I was even blessed to hear from church family recently of my continued growth since a mission's trip over five years ago.Praise God. God is still working in and through me. He might be doing even more work in and through because I am single.

I know that when the time is right and the person is right my mindset will shift. I know that I will enjoy being accountable in a relationship, having a little bit more restrictive schedule, that I will enjoy the fact that I don't do anything I want whenever I want, because I would be thinking about that other person as well. And when that time comes I will embrace and love it as well.

Don't get me wrong though I struggle with singleness all the same. Sometimes my struggle is real, heart felt. And sometimes my struggle is because I'm selfish!

I see friends and coworkers getting married and starting families. I long to have precious little boys (I'm not sold on having girls yet...) I desire to serve God in a union. I desire my own home where I can assist in leading my children to learn, know, and grow in God. I desire to be lead by a man who loves the Lord more than anything or anyone else.

And then there are the days that I want to be married because then I could quit my job and be a stay at home wife. I want to get marrieds so I can be a full-time student, because seriously I will be forever learner. I want to get married so I have someone to go on vacation with, cabin by yourself is really not that cool. I want to get married so I can live on my own (anyone who knows me well knows I don't function well overnight in the house by myself)

My love and struggle in singleness is real. I love the Lord and serving Him. I love this season in life, but look forward to the next. God is good. When our utmost desire is to serve Him, glorify Him, please Him, when we are seeking what God's will for our life is; God will give us the desires of our heart.

Psalm 37:4 "Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart"

Misconstrued...

Have you ever had one of those moments where what you did has been misconstrued into meaning something you didn't mean? Have you ever thought about choices you have made or things you have said/done that you meant one way but it was obvious they were taken another way?

Do you ever take something that is said and think the worst? Are you ever the one that has misconstrued what someone has said to you?

How does one respond to these situations?

Is it a natural tendency to think the worst or assume something that is not stated? Why do we jump so quickly to the worst instead of the best?

What is our purpose in bringing out the misconstrued meaning in someone else's words? Are we doing it truly encourage that other person or are we doing it to promote ourselves or point out a fault?

I think about some of the things that I have done and said recently... I love the Lord and want to serve Him, yet some of it has been misconstrued. I suppose it can be said that I should be more cautious and more direct. As well I should be more gracious in my response to others. Sometimes a simple misunderstanding or assumption can lead to pain and regret.

My hope and desire is first and foremost serve the Lord, trust in Him, and by His grace lead a life that glorifies Him. He is my stronghold, my strong tower, my refuge, my Savior, my Salvation, my Hope, my Love. Thinking on the truths of Christ tonight.

Little Victories

I was recently having a conversation with dear sister in Christ. She was sharing the blessing of a recent conference that she had attended. One of her favorite take always was a suggested prayer outline (that of course I jumped on board with right away). One of the sweetest parts of the conversation and break out session was when the speaker talked about little victories.

The speaker set out to pray for five minutes every day out loud. As we all know it can be difficult to focus in on prayer and by saying it out loud this was helping to making it a more focused and deliberate use of time. She completed an entire year of praying out loud for five minutes daily. Her new goal as a new year approached was wait for it... Six Minutes. I know I was waiting for ten minutes, but six. She is choosing to take the little victories in life. She is setting herself up for victory instead of failure. She is experiencing the blessings of deep, thoughtful, out loud prayer. I loved this. I love that some of the most meaningful things we will do in our walk with Christ will be simple. I think the more we over think the more we set ourselves up for failure. Had she set the goal of ten minutes daily, she may have succeeded with great success, but I fear there may have been failure. She set a realistic goal for herself that brings her closer to her Lord each day, yet challenges her and her faith each day.

I am thankful for the little victories in my walk with Christ. I know I am often looking for or striving for the big things; but by doing that I think I have missed out on the blessings of the little things.

So here to the little victories through Christ and a future full of little and big victories, all in the name of Christ.

Burdened

Tonight I am so thankful for my family and close friends. It has been an exhausting and stressful past few weeks and the coming weeks look the same. Tonight I came home burdened with stress, disappointment, anger, hatred, frustration; basically on the verge of tears. Thankfully God knew what I needed. I was able to talk with my momma and my bestie tonight and that is just what I needed. It was all consumed with my problems just conversation about life. God used those tight bonds to free me from the bondage I had created to the burden in my life.

I have a lot of things to work through and figure out over the next few days, but by God's grace I will make the right decision, a decision that will glorify Him.

How much does your sin bother you?

How much does your sin bother you? Why does your sin bother you? Does your sin ever cause a visceral response? Why does some sin bother you more than others? Why do we classify sin and little sin or big sin?

Tonight I was heavy laden with the guilt of my sins. I am a wretched sinner, we know all about my wretched sin based on a couple previous posts. I don't think I grasp my own depravity on a daily basis like I should.

Tonight I am thankful for a sovereign God who forgives me of my sins when I seek repentance. Do you struggle to ask daily for forgiveness of sins? I think because I so often forget how terrible my sin is I to often forget the necessity of repentance.

Matthew 7:13-14 "Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate that is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few" - This verse is really hitting me tonight. The battle over sin and living for Christ won't be easy. Life will look different and be different. But life is only different and difficult if we are seeking Christ, following the narrow path. I am realizing that I need to make some of those difficult decisions in my life to help me pursue Christ more. I have allowed other things to go before God and have allowed those things to take root in my life.