Total Heart Issue

Nine to ten months ago I was asked to help/made aware of a need in AWANA. My church needed assistance with Truth and Training girls (3rd to 6th grade). My church was in need, and there was no reason that I should not help, why would I turn down the opportunity to help young girls learn about and memorize scripture about Christ our Savior. Plus T and T has fantastic leaders who were so encouraging and helpful to me when I decided to decided help. So my journey through AWANA had begun.

The thoughts that were really going through my mind in the process honestly looked much different than the attitude I displayed or the actions I demonstrated (or so I hope). When I first found out they needed help, there was no way I wanted to help! But I felt bad because there was no reason I should not help out. So reluctantly I decided to help. HOWEVER, I am still the most selfish person in the world because I continued to think of reasons weekly why I didn't want to help or didn't like to help, etc. I remember one week thinking I could have had extra hours at work. I remember thinking how I couldn't wait until April was here and we were done. Simply stated I just didn't like helping. Let me just state here for the record this is a total heart issue!!

Before I know it, it is time to sign up for Quiz Bowl and they need coaches. By this time I am starting to get the hang of AWANA and my girls really are great! I decide to become a coach, I mean hey why not! Lets just say that Praise the Lord for the girls I had because my attitude towards quiz bowl was so up and down. Those girls were great always full of energy and made it easier to hide my attitude. All through quiz bowl I kept thinking how I should feel more connected to AWANA and I should have a stronger desire to be praying for this ministry and the girls, etc. But my heart was pretty hard to AWANA at that time. Quiz bowl came and went and it was great but my heart wasn't in it for those girls like it should have been. For that I am greatly sorry!

It honestly probably wasn't until the last few weeks that my attitude and heart really did start to change. I slowly realized that I was excited about AWANA and seeing the girls and talking with them and hearing those verses! Praise God for their hard work. I love all the girls in the groups I work with, but there are a few that have just really made a difference in my life. I praise God for their presence and the way they ministered to my heart. They will never know it but their devotion to the Word of God, AWANA, a good attitude, positive words of encouragement to each other, etc have completely changed my heart and attitude. I have seen the Lord working in these girls lives, wow, I am so thankful to have been able to watch them continue to grow into young girls that love the Lord. It has been such a blessing to see these girls take what they are learning and apply it!

I went into AWANA with the completely wrong attitude and heart. I thought that I should be doing all the ministering. That there was all this pressure on me to succeed or perform or something like that. But really this is like anything else in life a chance to serve and share Christ. A chance to be humbled, learn, grow. A chance to let God be in control. For some reason I had put on myself that I needed to be somebody. But really I just needed to be me and I needed to have an open heart and good attitude and let God handle all the rest. It is easy to get caught up in controlling everything, but let God do it and you will see beautiful results. The thought of doing all the ministering was still laying on me heavily. Don't get me wrong to some extent the leader is definitely ministering and helping teach. At the same time though it is just as much the opposite of that.  Those girls have ministered to my heart in a way I never would have believed had I really not been there. I am so thankful for the way God used me and taught me. I am so excited for next year.

I am learning so much all the time about my depravity... just when I thought I've got a handle on just how awful I am, God humbles me and proves to me that I REALLY REALLY don't get it, and REALLY REALLY need to turn to Him and trust. I love that God never gives up on me no matter how badly I mess up, or how terrible my attitude is, or how prideful I become. My God is so awesome it blows me away! I am so thankful that I have a God that blows me away, that I don't completely understand, and that proves His greatness through everything good in my life. If you don't know this God that I am so in love with you should ask, and find out because it will drastically change your life!