Today I was reflecting on the contentment I feel in my life about where I am. At the same time struggling with contentment about my life. So oxymoronic I know! I really am thankful for where God has me and I know His timing is best. Some days though I want things I don't have, I don't mean material possessions. I am thinking more along the lines of my schooling finished, a more defined career path, a husband and family, a home of my own, etc. As I struggle through these thoughts I began to question contentment all together.
By definition contentment is a state of happiness and satisfaction. It seems fair to say that I can be content with my life, I am happy and satisfied. Except I shouldn't be satisfied. If I am satisfied am I still pushing the limits of my life by striving each day to be more like Christ? Am I striving each day to improve my flaws? Am I striving each day to make my dreams, given they are God glorifying, happen? If I allow myself to feel satisfied, content rather, am I being complacent in my walk with Christ? Shouldn't life, ministry, work, etc be a little uncomfortable, difficult at times.
As I continue to reflect I am struck with I should not be content. I am so thankful for where God has me and how He is able to use me despite everything, but that shouldn't lead to contentment. I should each day be striving more like Christ, not satisfied with my walk. My dad has said many times, "You need to strive hard after God and at some point you will look beside and find that someone right beside you, that is the one you want to marry" While this specific quote is in relationship to hopefully my future spouse, it applies to everything I struggle with. I need to focus on my relationship with Christ and strive for Him and as I am doing that everything else will fall into place. It doesn't mean there won't be rough times, doesn't mean ministry won't be messy, doesn't mean everything will fall into place how I see it going, but it will mean I am not content with where I am.
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