The Real Me

This post has been in the works for a while now. I have thought of a thousand ways to share, of course my initial desire was to somehow sugar coat my sin and reality of my wickedness so I didn't seem like such a bad person....

I want to be real with you, I want you to know just how wicked a sinner I am. This is a humbling experience. This is a humiliating experience. This experience will set me free from the chains of stereotypical perfect Christianity. Lets just be real with each other. We struggle, we fail to sin, we are wicked. Lets stop pretending it doesn't happen.

I am taking this chance to share who I really am with you as an opportunity to create accountability in myself. A way to be real with the struggles I face daily in my walk with Christ, you are not alone in your struggles. This is not an excuse to sin more, this is a call to action. People will know so it is time to change. God can come up with His own ways to show grace in my life should He chose, He doesn't need me initially sinning just to open the door for more grace.

Pride: Wow this word sure is weighty. I am extremely prideful. Something I have previously mentioned. I struggle so much with this. I desire compliments at work on a job well done. I think way to much of my abilities in my position.

Gossip: It all starts the same, voicing a concern for an issue of course... but seriously how often it takes a turn into gossip. Talking about someone else for the sake of making yourself feel better.

Selfish: I am constantly thinking of myself before others. I am constantly thinking how can I make my day or life easier by my decisions.

Terrible Listener: I am the person that interrupts you half way through your sentence to give you my two cents. Ok seriously lets be honest I am 24 I really don't know that much about that much yet!

Lazy: I am so that person that will do it later. I let the dishes "soak" in the sink before I put them in the dishwasher. Lets be honest I just don't want to wipe them off and load the dishwasher.

Respond with Anger: It is so easy for me to respond with anger than love. Just ask my poor coworkers. Praise the Lord for His grace and growth in this area, but still anger is not easily tamed.

I am a know it all: Seriously there are days that I just know it all.... Almost 9 times out of 10 I quickly find out I don't know it all. I have done a lot of apologizing for this!

I have to filter my mind: When I was younger I had a terrible mouth. That is not something that you just forget. I have to filter my mind, I am that person says what I shouldn't in my mind.

Overeater: I am an emotional eater, a bored eater

Jealousy

I struggle to read my Bible every day.

I do not spend enough time in prayer.

I try to live by faith and give it all to God and trust Him. But I have fairly deliberately not handed over my job and all associated with in faith to God.

When I am sinning and I know I am sinning I will sometimes avoid asking for God's assistance, knowing that He does answer prayers.


In all honesty I feel like this is just a glimpse of the sin in my life. And I want so badly to write some inspiring explanation beside each of them about how God is working and changing me. However my motivation in that would be to justify or make better my sin.

My God is doing great work in my life. His grace is breathing taking and so undeserved. I praise Him that I can see Him working in my life, changing my desires. But the fact still remains that I am a wicked sinner. I need to be honest with my brothers and sisters in Christ so that they can keep me accountable in my actions and motivations.