Just what I asked for....

I don't know about you but basically every week during our church service it occurs to me that pastor must have been a fly on my wall and wrote the sermon because he realized what a hot mess my life is. I mean seriously they hit home every week. You know those messages you hear and you think of a dozen other people that better be listening or you should send the message to? Yea that is NEVER me I am always thinking really God, really, I am still trying to fix my life based off the last sermon. I don't know if you ever feel that way but I have gotten pretty use to looking in the mirror after a sermon, acknowledging a lot of room for growth. On some days this is just overwhelming and honestly the last thing I want to hear, lets be honest for a moment we are not all super spiritual Christians always looking to improve our behavior to be more like Christ. Sometimes we like sitting in our sin or complacency and just being.

Well to state the obvious this weeks sermon was just like all the others, convicting! It amazes me that as you learn more about your savior you realize more just how inadequate you really are. Logically it would only make sense the more you learn the more you grow until you got it. Well that is the thing with progress santification you NEVER fully get it.

This past Monday was 22 weeks since God brought me to my knees and pointed out a large sin area in my life. In God's typical character He didn't just leave me there He said YOU NEED ME, so here I am and we are going to fit this sin together. The only way that I can have victory over this sin is through Jesus, day by day. So in my amazement over the glory and grace of God I feel like I have this sin down, so surely that means I have a handle on sin in my life. You know what WRONG again. It seems the second you give something to God some other sin rears its ugly head. The only analogy I can think of is a leaky pipe. You find the leak you patch the leak and it is doing pretty well, but then seemingly out of no where a new leak appears and now your efforts are focused on this new leak, but all the same you can't leave the first leak unwatched. In the midst of controlling one sin, a new sin, a new leak has appeared.

PRIDE. WOW I knew I had pride issues, but I didn't know it was this bad. Apparently my pride was masked by the other sins in my life and I wasn't paying much attention to it. But now that we have patched one leak (God's grace daily is allowing me to fight this sin), I have a little more time to focus on this sin. Do you ever have those moments that you want people to acknowledge how awesome you are, or how great you did? Well if not let me tell you it is the most prideful, self fulling feeling, desirable yet detestable; seriously disgusting. I mean really what is all that great about me? Well since you asked... haha no I won't go there but really it is a daily struggle to remember that I deserve the cross and that even on those days when I do something right it is ALL GOD. GRACE that He would use me to do anything, and yet my pride wants to take the glory.

So I diligently started to pray for humility after this Sunday, of course a little scared because God does answer prayers! Well didn't even take a full 24 hours and I had the answer to my prayers. I was reminded at work, while I do know my job and love my job, I make mistakes. I mess up, I miss signs that I should have seen. I am not perfect, which is sometimes hard to remember when you are fighting pride. I am so grateful first for the answer to my prayer, and secondly I am thankful for the grace that God showed me in the lesson of humility. God's grace allowed me to openly see the mistake and make no excuse but that I messed up! All I can say is my GOD is seriously AMAZING.

To say the least I am truly humbled and forever grateful for the work of God in my life especially in regards to the most recent patched leak, but I tell you my daily dependent need for my Jesus is ever present. I am thankful that my Jesus does not and will not give up on me, even when I refuse to listen, sit in complacency, and humiliatingly enough enjoy sin.

I don't know where you are in your walk with Christ or if you are walking with Christ but know that our God loves us. He has an unquenchable love that allowed for Jesus to die on a cross for our sins so we could spend eternity with the Trinity, a love that helps me patch leaks, watch the patches, and fight new leaks.

Well I have kept you from live far to long, but sometimes I need to share the ramblings of my mind. May my ramblings be a blessing or an encouragement to you, with God all things are possible.